The Cunning Plan
by firefly81
Summary: Blaise and Theo come up with a plan to help their friend, Dramatic Draco.


"I hate her. I hate her know-it-all, bushy little head."

Dual groans sounded in the room as Draco slumped into the nearest chair. Blaise and Theo shot each other looks that clearly said 'not this _again_ '. After a silent conversation between them, Theo sighed dejectedly. It was apparently his turn to deal with Drama Queen Draco.

"What did the esteemed Head Girl do this time?" Theo asked, waiting to hear what the ridiculous issue was this week. So far, just this month, they had heard about how she had the audacity to speak to him about schedules with a soft shade of lipstick on her lips. In addition to that, apparently it offended his Highness when she dared to straighten her hair, swished her hips a little _too_ much, and licked her spoon after dinner when she was eating her chocolate mousse dessert.

"She smiled at Goldstein."

Blaise and Theo both had to repress the urge to roll their eyes, half worried their eyeballs might roll straight out of their sockets.

"She… smiled at Goldstein?" Blaise asked, his voice rising slightly at the end of the question, showing his disbelief at what he was hearing.

"Yes! Can you believe that? We were supposed to be discussing the plans for the Yule Ball, but she made me wait because she was too busy smiling at Goldstein!"

"Uh, Draco? Don't you think that's a little… unreasonable? What difference does it make if she smiled at Goldstein?" Theo asked, hoping that this time Draco would admit to the _real_ problem.

"It makes all the difference. She was supposed to be talking to me!" Draco exclaimed, and it was then he noticed the looks on his friends' faces. "Oh, shut up. Neither of you understands."

"Clearly," Blaise drawled.

"Don't do that. You know I hate it when you do that. You sound just like my father," Draco said as he pointed his finger at Blaise.

Neither Blaise nor Theo could handle their dramatic friend any longer, and they both burst out in extremely loud laughter.

* * *

The next few weeks saw their dramatic friend turn into their sullen friend. Instead of the constant, ridiculous complaints, he had taken to spending his days sulking instead. At first, they just ignored his mood. This was Draco they were talking about; he tended towards moodiness on the best day. Then, when they saw nothing was changing, they tried to tease and joke him out of it.

Nothing was working.

Finally, they decided to sit him down and make him… talk about it.

"Okay, Draco. What in Slytherin's name is wrong with you?" Theo asked, just blurting it right out.

"I don't know what you are talking about," Draco answered.

"Like hell you don't. Now, spill it," Blaise said.

"It's the know-it-all. I swear, she's up to something. I think she just sits in our common room, thinking up a cunning plan."

"A cunning plan? A cunning plan for what?" Blaise asked, looking skeptical. As Draco began to tell them what Hermione had been up to, it was all they could do to keep their laughter at bay.

"I walked into the common room, and she was doing some kind of body twisting thing, wearing these tight clothes, with Longbottom. Longbottom, of all people! And he wasn't wearing a shirt!"

"Body twisting thing?" Theo asked, clearly confused.

"I don't know! They had their arses up in the air, and I heard mention of a dog. Do you think it's some kind of new sex thing we haven't heard about?" Draco asked. "What… what are you laughing at, Blaise?"

"They… were… doing… yoga!" Blaise said, having to pause for breath between each word because he was laughing so hard.

"What is yoga?" Theo asked.

"It's a Muggle form of exercise," Blaise explained, his laughter dying down slightly.

"Oh… but that's not all. After they were done, she said she was hungry and ate a banana right in front of Longbottom. And he hadn't even put his shirt back on yet!"

"Draco, none of this stuff is a big deal. She's not doing anything wrong. So what's your issue?" Theo asked, wanting Draco to just finally come out and admit what the real issue was.

"She's doing it all on purpose to annoy me! That's her plan! She wants to make me quit the Head Boy position, probably so she can have her _boyfriend_ Longbottom take over."

"So her cunning plan is to do perfectly reasonable activities so you quit? That's… probably one of the stupidest things you've ever said," Blaise remarked.

"Traitor," Draco hissed.

"Draco–"

"Don't even. You are taking her side, so you are a traitor. Unless… are you seeing her too? Is she your girlfriend now? What kind of friend are you that you would date someone your best friend hates so much?"

With that said, Draco stood up and stormed out of the room. Theo and Blaise looked at each other incredulously.

"Did that really just happen?" Theo asked.

"Yep," Blaise said, nodding his head.

"You really think she is doing any of this on purpose?"

"Nope."

"Should we help him out?"

"I think we are going to have to, mate. I certainly don't want to deal with Dramatic Draco for the rest of the year, do you?"

"Certainly not. I think we are the ones that need that cunning plan."

The two smirked at each other before beginning to plot.

* * *

It didn't take long for them to implement their plan. All it took was a few days of one or the other trailing Draco and Hermione. They knew the perfect time to implement project 'Stop Drama Queen Draco' was right before Potions class.

"Hermione!"

The witch in question turned towards his voice.

"Hello, Blaise. How are you doing today?" she said, smiling brightly at him. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed Theo giving him the signal that Draco was approaching ear-shot.

"I'm doing pretty well, actually. But there is something that would make my day even better."

"Oh? What's that?" she asked, her voice laced with curiosity.

"If you would agree to go to Hogsmeade with me this weekend," he said, making sure he increased the volume of his voice just enough to guarantee that Draco heard him. Hearing the low hiss that sounded behind him told him that Draco certainly had heard his question.

"Oh! Well, that sounds–"

"No! I knew you were a traitor! How could you do this to me?"

Both he and Hermione turned towards Draco, one in complete confusion and the other… well, the other was smirking madly.

"Do _what_ to you, exactly?" he asked.

"I… you… what?"

"Draco, what's going on here?" Hermione interrupted.

"Yeah, Draco. Why don't you tell Hermione just what's going on?" Blaise asked, watching as Draco's face started changing from his normal pale to bright red.

"Um, right. Well, you see… the thing is… I kind of, sort of maybe… reallylikeyouandwishyouwouldbemygirlfriend," Draco said, the last part coming out in one big jumble. Blaise could see exactly when Hermione realized just what Draco had said, and two seconds later had the witch pulling Draco to her and landing her lips on his.

Neither of them noticed when Blaise and Theo snuck away, high-fiving each other.

* * *

Written for the Quidditch League Fanfiction Competition.  
Prompt: Write a LIGHTHEARTED FRIENDSHIP story about SLYTHERIN CHARACTERS.

Go Wanderers.

Thanks to Jordi for the beta duties and to my Wanderers for their help.


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